The old trainer stood by the gate of the pasture. The bluebonnets were in full bloom, the days were growing warmer and longer. As he stood by the gate watching the antics of the litter of mahogany colored puppies chasing quail, squirrels and each other, he reflected on what he had gained and what he had lost through the years, chasing bird dogs from the back of a smooth walking horse. As he stood there lost in the moment, he was roused from his reverie by the nudge of the familiar muzzle of the old yellow horse. He turned slowly, his body ached and was still weak but he turned to his old friend and gave him the apple that he had hidden in his pocket, and he was comforted, by the gentleness of his old friend.
His eyes focused on the dark colored horse. As he watched the black horse graze contentedly on the new green grass of the pasture, a flash of anger momentarily overtook him and just as quickly it subsided. He accepted this trial as he had all the others, with faith that somehow it would be alright.
His thoughts turned to that cold, rainy and wind blown day. He was riding with a good friend scouting for someone he hardly knew. When it happened, he still is not sure how or why the black horse reared. But, he remembers vividly the slow motion image of the horse coming over and crashing down on him. He had tried desperately to roll out of the way, to no avail. A white hot, pain shot through his body and he felt bones break and his head swam from the pain and he may have momentarily been overcome by it.
The next minutes felt like hours as he waited on the cold windswept ground for medical help to arrive. It felt strange in his abdomen, as if something was leaking inside him and he wondered if he was gonna die. He didn't want to die, he still had dogs to train and more championships to win.
Two times he felt himself fading, almost giving up, only to be roused once again by his old friend nudging him and yelling at him. The ride to the hospital was agonizing, he was sure he knew where every bump and hole from the trial grounds to the hospital was. Each one brought new agony to his broken body. He was scared. More frightened than he had ever been in his life. He thought about that for a moment. Why did he feel that way? He had served his country in hostile fire zones and patrolled dangerous streets of one of the bigger cities in his home region, and never felt that helpless.
The old trainer wondered if he would ever be able to ride a horse, or train or handle dogs in field trials. A sudden realization came over him as tears rolled down his cheek, perhaps it was the physical pain? No, he had been in pain as great as this before and it never caused him to cry.
He was overcome with the realization that this could be it. This could be the end to his career. He might never get to see his beloved prairies again. To watch a big, running dog slash across the country from that back of a horse again. He thought of the sacrifices that he had made. His marriage was all but over, she just couldn't take the long absences and the lonliness that came with it. He didn't blame her. But, he was still angry she wasn't here.
What followed was a battery of tests, new agony at every movement as they tried to figure out the extent of the injuries. The old trainer, somewhat of a religious man, asked the nurse if he could talk to a chaplain. He was suprised when the chaplain turned out to be a woman. He poured out his emotions and the things that he was afraid of unabashedly, and then she asked a question of him. "Has it been worth it." He thought for a moment before he answered. "Yes, it has been." A peace washed over him
He had been given an answer to his many prayers in a most unusual way. He had wondered over the years, if he had made the right decision letting her go to continue to chase his dream. Days, weeks, months, and years of uncertainty and lonliness followed that decision made on a cold, winter morning to let her go. Now, as he lay there alone, in great pain, in that lonely hospital room he felt he had his answers.
Early in the day, the old trainer had received the news that he would not need surgery and to his relief that in all liklihood he would be healed in time to make the trip to summer camp again.
Weeks had passed since the accident. He still needed to mend, but he was off the pain medications. The old trainer was able to go to the kennel and pet and play with his newest litter of mahagony colored puppies. It was comforting to be able to do so, and it soothed his raw emotions and doubts somewhat.
The old trainer had hoped that his loyal friends and clients would trust him once again to take their dogs up to the buffalo prairies of Sitting Bull to train once again. He was confident that he would be healed up by then, and be able to give them a full measure of his talent and hard work once again. As he turned and slowly made his way up the hill back to the kennel. He thought. God had merely given him another obstacle to kick out of the way. The old trainer, thought about that newfound pearl of wisdom.
The old trainer realized he had been given "A Pearl of Great Price."
The words from a song on the radio, kept crossing his mind - "We ride and never worry bout the fall, I guess that's just the cowboy in us all."
